In the back of my mind or what's left over

I think I'm back!!

2009-03-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

I had totally forgot about this blog. What brought it back to my frontal lobe is my new found attachment to Facebook, Twitter, and other interwebz crack. Since my new status is a SAHM, for those of you not familiar it stands for "Stay At Home Mom", I need an outlet for my mind vomit. Let me tell you there is quite a storage that badly needs to be cleansed.

What's on my mind now is...."What's next?!" I've been through of a couple of transitions and it's still that time of the year where I'm in my hermit stage. But I smell spring coming and that is when I will be leaping back out of my bubble...I just don't know where I will be leaping too. A new job, graduate school in the fall, lame job because I'm scared of the "new", or trying to stay a SAHM which is not easy these days on a single income. Meh, I can sell a kidney.

Now I must get back to web surfing and start following other's blogs. I'm over my antiblog stage and want to embrace it with open arms. Can't wait to read what's out there!!

Lawrence Missed Us

2008-01-15T11:41:00.001-08:00

We made our way back towards the Midwest and loved just about every minute of it. (Yes, there is some sarcasm in the last portion of that statement.) As soon as we arrived home, it only seemed like minutes before we had to jump back into our chaotic life! Ella had missed two days of school due to our extended vacation. I started back into classes a week earlier than usual. Douglas went straight into work on his new schedule. Lucius started daycare for the very first time. So we really haven't had to time to let things really sink in. For example, sitting back and telling friends about our adventures or all the new programs we've seen or old programs we've finally experienced while relaxing for hours on end in front of the plasma television with satellite cable. We could not reflect on our holidays, we couldn't even have our annual sit down to list the many reasons for not making a New Year's resolution. There was just NO TIME!!

I have realized that I have been having this warm, fuzzy feeling. No, I am not pregnant. I've checked. It may be that I am coming out of my annual hermit stage that occurs every winter break. At the beginning of every winter break, since I've been in school, I hole up in the house with the family, keeping the curtains closed, not answering the door, not taking any calls and just kickin' back. During this time, we only leave the house for Christmas dinner with extended family and Ella's birthday party.
But now that I have to be out of my house daily, I do enjoy my neighbors, at times. I do like having a regular schedule and dropping the kids off at there destination so I can accomplish my tasks and duties. I especially love getting breaks during the day when I can visit Douglas at his work, kid-free, and hang out without worries. We will be able to do lunch breaks together again, get coffee and converse, or I can go be by myself and BREATHE!
I do have to admit something though. I'm old. And by this I mean that I actually enjoy family life. I resisted. I resisted for years by trying to keep up a social life with my single, kidless friends. It's just not me anymore and I am finally ok with that.

But will I have an occasional burst of wanting my old life again? My old life where I could just walk out of the house at an instant because I wanted to go play pinball and see who was hanging out at the Replay Lounge on a Thursday afternoon. Or when I just wanted to leave for the evening and wonder the streets to barhop downtown. Well maybe not specifically that old life, I was that way in my late teens and early twenties. But something of the sort, a bit more mild and less vagabond. I will actually have a purpose when I want to wonder the streets. Hmmm, maybe. We'll see what happens when the weather warms up again. That is when I get the itch.

The Beginning of My End, Not Really

2008-01-04T15:54:00.001-08:00

Blogging has been something I've been toying with for a while. I've kept going back and forth from "blogging is fucking stupid" to "I could use it as a tool for my writing skills." Well as you can see, one side has one, "I can use this fucking stupid thing as a tool for my (lack of) writing skills."

I will be writing a lot about my kids. Why? Because I can, but mostly because I love them and they are natural comedians. Example. I made a submission to Parents magazine to their "Kids say the darnedest things" column. Douglas, my husband (not officially married), and I thought our submission was pretty funny. Our submission: We took our, then 5 year old, daughter, Ella, to our favorite sushi restaurant. The restaurant had a low noise level but was fairly full, about a 40-50 person max capacity room. Everyone was having a good time, Ella was using her best manners, things were good. Our wait brought the sushi rolls and named them as she laid them on the table in front of us. "Here is your California roll, Unagi roll, and the crabby dragon." Suddenly Ella shouts out, "Crabby dragon?! Crabby dragon?! You can't eat that! You might get crabby dragon disease. I don't want crabby dragon disease! Crabby dragon!" We told the wait thank you and asked Ella to quiet down. Then gently leaned over to each other and began our shoulder-shrugging, rolling laughter as quietly as possible to each other. Yes, quite a few people were looking over at us with concerned and confused facial expressions. To this day, I am still tickled by that story. But most of all, I am pretty proud of her application of (then) current news on everyday life, especially for a five year old. Mad dragon disease was big in the news again, at which she probably heard on NPR on our morning drive. Well, Parents magazine did not publish my kid-comment story, even though I thought is was the darnedest thing she could have said.

My family rang in the new year in Maryland. We first celebrated Ella's birthday with a delicious mango cake and her grandparents. We then went ice skating, which was a first for all of us. My feet are still a little sore. Douglas and I experienced the Holocaust museum. That was really hard. I teared up within the first five minutes and about had a panic attack on the second floor. Fortunately, it was our first museum of the day so the others were much more upbeat and happy. All I have to review about the Holocaust museum is that they did their job, well.

Lucius has been walking up and down the stairs like a toddler pro. I love it but I still will not take down our gates when we get home. He has grown so much this week. We have left him with his grandparents for over 5 hours and he has not fussed for one minute. I love and hate that, his new independence. I still am trying to let Ella's independence grow and keeping up with her is still easy along with her openness and constant communication. I do know that her communication skills will slowly begin to dwindle when she becomes a teenager. Lucius's communication skills are just beginning to blossom. He says thank you, hello, yells Ella and dada when he is standing at the top of the stairs, and has an incredibly, cute, maniacal, raspy heckle that he has been doing when being chased.

My vacation is about over. We leave tomorrow morning to go back to our life. I think I am ready. Until then I am going to get back to watching the many episodes of Law and Order: SVU, America's next top dummy, and Law and Order. I love satellite cable. I must indulge all I can right now because when we get back it will be our no cable, static-tv house again. Which I like but will need to adjust.

Until my next log on...carry on with your bad self
xoxo,
P